The police office pulled up beside me and motioned to put the phone down. I stopped recording the message and tossed the phone to the passenger seat, blushing. Busted. Then he motioned for me to pull over.
“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath as I pulled the Nissan pickup to the side of the road and waited. I’d been messaging my worker that I was on my way and to please wait. Now I’d be really late. My dad’s voice reminded me, “Well, now you’ll have a good excuse.”
“I live in Mexico now, Dad, I don’t need a good excuse to be late,” I answered him.
The officer came to the door, offered his hand and told me what I already knew. I defended myself.
It was just one time.
No. I watched you send 3 voice messages.
He was right But the first one I deleted. Does that count for anything? After all, I told him, I was going to meet a worker who was repairing my house after two robberies left me feeling super vulnerable. “and I’m frantic after all, I’ve been robbed.“ I neglected to tell him it was two weeks ago but it had taken me that long to find someone to help me put bars on the windows.
Could he come help me catch the thieves?
“I’m not in that part of policing. license and tarjeta de circulacion porfavor.
He looked them both over and asked me what I do. I felt weird telling him a run a yoga studio since I was not at all yogicly peaceful. I was having a busy morning, trying to fit too much into my day. Now I’d had the brakes slammed on and I was worming my way out of it, or at least trying to, with half truths. I was justified. I’d been robbed twice, I told myself. And I would love for him to come help me since I felt totally abandoned. The police? Buy cameras, get a dog (I have dogs), we’ll drive by but you’re on a dead end road. Friends? What did you expect with an empty house? Platitudes and my insecurities mounted as did the cost of not only what they had taken but any and all measures to make my place feel safer.
“I’m going to take your license and give you an infraction.”
Add another 200 USD for the ticket. “Please don’t. It’s been the worst low season ever and today is payday. I really can’t pay. ” I whined while calculating the 50% discount the city offered if you pay the same day. I could do it on a credit card.
“Isn’t there some other way. I know I was wrong and I won’t do it again.”
“Do you have another idea?” His gaze burning into me through his sunglasses, hinting at a bribe. He made some conversation to let me think about it and asked where I was from.
I stuttered calculating how much cash I had. “I’ve been here 20 years. “
“Yes. But where are you from?”
“The US”
“Isn’t it illegal to be on your phone while driving in the US?
“Texting. I wasn’t texting. I was recording a message. That’s different.”
He waited and I thought, how much will he settle for? And how can I take money from my fanny pack without him seeing that I have a lot of cash on hand. Like I said, its payday.
Then I remembered one of many conversations focused on ending corruption. That voice in my head quoted me saying to someone, “If we don’t participate, there won’t be corruption. It starts with all of us.”
Damn. It starts with me and I meekly told the officer, “You are right. I was wrong. Es cierto.”
I don’t think he was happy about it but he was surprised, perhaps even a little satisfied. I looked at the floor and felt the sweat dripping off my upper lip. I reached for a Kleenex from the dash and wiped my lip and my eyes, wondering if he’d think I was crying. Ready for the ticket, I plotted a course to rush to the house and rush back to the police station so I could get my discount.
Out of the blue he told me, “I’ll let it go this time. But if I see you do it again, the ticket will be double.” He handed me my license and registration.
Seriously? I barely believed it but took my things and said, “Gracias,” and waited for him to drive away. Then I smiled. Ear to ear as I drove slowly back onto the highway saying, “Thanks.” I felt good, like I’d made a breakthrough. See, it’s so easy to say something, to be righteous and tell others what to do. But to actually walk the walk takes a little courage and the willingness to pay the price. And I did it. I told the truth and faced the consequences. It would have felt ok if I’d had a ticket but it felt amazing since I didn’t.
And, needless to say, I’ll leave my phone in my bag on the way home.